Stuck in the UCK

I've been thinking a lot lately about the state of being stuck. When I wrote down the word "stuck," I immediately noticed that by dividing the word in half, you have two distinct words:

     STU and UCK

Many of my clients hire me because they feel stuck in their job, stuck in their marriage, stuck at home raising their children or just a general stuckness without any idea as to why. They are, in many cases, STU-ing in the UCK.

Several years ago, I felt stuck myself. I was selling "widgets."

While providing me with a lucrative part-time income, my job simply lacked the inherent personal and professional growth that I secretly longed for. Each time I went to work, I looked and felt like a sloth, painfully moving through my day, often counting the hours until it was over. It was as pathetic as watching paint dry.

Feeling hopeless, depressed and panicked, I was convinced that I couldn't just up and leave my cushy job. I mean, how could I quit something I could do in my sleep? How could I leave the income I was earning, earmarked for my children's educational account and all the goodies we enjoyed - especially when it was so abundant? 

Although I had a laundry list of logical reasons why it was crazy to leave my job, I was beginning to develop headaches and noticed that I felt inclined to either remodel my face or buy a new home we simply couldn't afford. I convinced myself that more square footage in a nicer neighborhood and smoother lines around my eyes would do the trick. Celebrities do it and we all know how deeply happy they are! Not! 

The real truth was that I was scared of what I didn't know: the future and my destiny.

I STU-ed in the UCK for five years.

What I have since learned is that it's not being stuck that is so bad--it's the STU-ing part that creates the frustration and negative emotions. When I felt stuck, my mind was simply seeking expansion, growth, and a deeper sense of meaning. Being stuck was my wakeup call-my internal notification system was knocking at my door and telling me "hey woman, you are meant to do something bigger in your life - this job is no longer serving you and you need something new." I STU-ed in it because I ignored the signs. 

So, how do you get out of the state of stuckness? This is what works for me:

1. Acknowledge that you feel stuck with compassion and without judgment. 

2. Stop telling yourself and everyone else how stuck you are. This only reinforces the story of stuckness and the negative feelings that are associated with it. If you don't know if or how often you are doing this, enlist a friend to help raise your awareness level.

3. Take action and practice fearlessness. Do something different - anything.  Take a new route to work. Engage in a right brain activity like drawing or dancing. Walk backwards. Sing out loud. Apply for a new job. Buy some sexy lingerie and spice up your marriage. Just do something!

The good news is that being stuck is often just a temporary state and you get to decide how long to stay there. Life truly is about death and rebirth. When you stop the STU-ing, pull the dead weeds, and let go of what is no longer nourishing your soul, you create the space for something new--and sometimes even save yourself the new home and surgery costs!

THE DILEMMA

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach out for another is to risk involvement.

To expose feelings is to risk rejection.

To place your dreams in front of the crowd is to risk ridicule.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To go forward in the face of overwhelming odds is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. 

The person who risks nothing does nothing, has nothing, is nothing.

He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love.

Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave.

He has forfeited his freedom.

Only a person who takes risks is free.

 - Author Unknown